Positive
by ThePinnkLady
Summary: Blaine refuses to let Kurt date him and Kurt is determined to find out why, not knowing the dark secrets beneath.
1. Let it Snow

**So, first story on this pen name, and first story in awhile. Enjoy! (Next will be longer, I promise!)**

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"Kurt, I really can't be in a committed relationship right now." Watching the boy who holds my heart face fall was just about the hardest thing to ever see.

"I'm sorry, Kurt, I just can't do this." And I walked away. What else can I do? He does want to deal with all of my problems, he would have no idea what he was getting into. There is just no physical way I could ever be with him.

Slowly, making my way out of our park, the park where we shared are first kiss, I heard just the faintest sob. I stopped right there. What else could I do? I wanted to kick myself and vomit at the same time. My heart was urging me, TURN AROUND. MAN UP AND TURN AROUND. Sadly, my head retorted KEEP GOING. YOU'LL HURT HIM MORE IF YOU STAY WITH HIM. Wishing I had listened to my heart instead of my head, I put my hands in my coat, getting colder by the second, and continued my walk back to the common room.

Then, my final warning that this was not the right way to do this, it began to snow. I just wanted to drop down to my knees and cry out right then. Snow. My first memory of snow with Kurt was when he first told me he loved me. And what did I do? I smiled and said, "You too." I couldn't even say the word. Love. L-O-V-E. Kurt, I LOVE you. You make me happier than I have ever been in my entire life. When I see you all my problems melt away. But, no. All I did was smile and half-assed a response. For weeks and weeks, I continued to lead him on, saying "You too," and pulling him in for a hug, not ending it then and there. Finally, my guilt couldn't take it anymore and I had to end it. So, this snow, this stupid freaking snow, is just another reminder of the one that didn't get away, the one that I forced out of my life and wouldn't look back.

I, Blaine, had just broken the heart of the only person I truly loved.


	2. Questionable Answers

**Hey guys! Sorry I took so long. As you can already tell, I'm a little slow on my updates. The Chapter has just been sitting on my desktop glaring at me, and now I've finally had enough ideas to finish it!**

**I know you are all curious (well, hopefully cause it's kind of the plot line :D) basically, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH BLAINE. Answer? I haven't actually made a final decision yet. Kurt will know soon enough but it will not be confirmed to you guys for a little while. :) If you want to give me some ideas, please, by all means! :)**

**Enjoy!**

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_I'm sorry._

LIES. Definition of a lie = Blaine. LIAR. WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME. WHY ARE YOU PUTTING MY THROUGH ALL THIS PAIN AND HURT.

Really? I mean, Blaine, can you honestly say that you are?

1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi 3 Mississippi, _Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans be your teenage dre-_

_Yes, Kurt, I am. I am so unbelievably sorry._

How am I supposed to react to that? The boy that I fallen head over Gucci for, and he for weeks, seemed like he was into me, and now this?

_Will you ever forgive me, Kurt? Please? You wouldn't understand my reasons._

And how the hell am I supposed to respond to that? First, he starts pleading, and then saying he wouldn't understand his reasons? WHAT ARE THE REASONS HE IS EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

Reasons? What reasons do you even have?

"Kurt, time for dinner!" Sometimes, my dad calls for dinner at the absolute worst possible moment.

"Coming!" Sighing, I reluctantly put my phone away, put it on silent, and race upstairs to dinner with our odd family.

Ugh. I really cannot deal with her right now. "Hey, Rachel."

"Hello Kurt! I like your blazer." Rachel told me, in her all too preppy voice.

"I like your cat sweater?" Telling her more as a question that a compliment.

Finn smiled at me trying to be civil to his girlfriend and gestured us to the table.

"So, boys, and uh, Rachel, how was your day?" Carole asked us politely.

"Good," Finn said nodding simply.

"Fine," not wanting to get into everything, just half smiled.

"Great! Well, in my first class there was this pop quiz, but of course I-"

Rachel continued to drone on but I basically just ignore her because I could not deal with her constant chatter. I wanted to surreptitiously grab my phone from my pocket to see what Blaine said, but I after I got it out, I decided that it wouldn't be a good idea. If his reasons would break my heart even more I did _not_ want to break down at the dinner table. Man, I just can't take it anymore!

"Sorry, guys, I don't feel so great, I'm gonna go to bed." Kissing my dad's cheek I raced out of the dining room .

"You know, Kurt, not eating is very bad for you-" Slamming my door shut, not wanting to hear her listening to the sound of her own voice anymore, I sat on bed staring at my phone not wanting to read that text.

Looking over at Finn side of the room with the picture of Finn and Rachel, I couldn't help but smile. How he handles her, I have no idea, but she is so perfect for him and they just, fit, _like Blaine and I do_, I little too wishful thinking.

But why is it wishful thinking? Why is it so wrong to think that we aren't meant to be together and that there is hope in the world for our relationship to be like Finn and Rachel? I guess it's cause of his reasons. What reasons does he even have that would make sense for dumping me and leaving me in a pile of goo? Okay, so maybe not that dramatic, but that's how he made me feel.

Finally, not being able to wait any longer, I opened up the text from him, read it, and I couldn't help but gasp.

* * *

Sitting on my bed, randomly strumming some chords on my guitar, I awaited a text back from Kurt. How would he react after what I said? Hopefully not too bad, although, with Kurt sometimes he likes to blow things out of proportions, but, then again, anyone would in this situation would. But, what am I supposed to say? Hi, Kurt, I'm madly in love with you and I want to be yours forever and I can't because …? Gosh, even I can't accept this, problem, to put it nicely. There is no way I can tell him I can't even accept what is currently going on.

_Don't cry for me Argentin-_

Reasons? What reasons do you even have?

Is he really expecting me to tell him my reasons? Seriously, after I just broke his and my heart, in person, in our most treasured place, and I did not have the, _courage_. Ugh, I'm such a freaking hypocrite.

"I HATE THAT WORD!" I couldn't help but scream at the top of my lungs. Oh no, the neighbors will probably think that I have gone positively crazy. _–IER! _The voice in the back of my head screams.

Anyway, getting distracted with my own personal thoughts, how does Kurt think I can just tell him over a text, of all things, just like that? Now I feel like he doesn't really know me at all. _It's for the best, Blaine. _

"Shut up!" Wow. I actually said that out loud. I am literally going so crazy about the situation that I am talking to myself in my head and out loud.

On the other hand, though, should I tell him? I wouldn't have to see his face, his expression, the look of pity in his eyes, with everyone else that I must tell. But, then again, it would make me even more of a coward than running away from my past would. Because even though I was tormented and tortured, _shudder_, I would take all of it any day rather than coping out and telling Kurt in the most unjust way possible. _But at least you'd still be telling him!_ Growling at my own thoughts, I stared at my phone before trying a few messages.

_I can't tell you my reasons over text. _Delete.

_I just can't tell you yet. _Delete.

_What is happening would kill you inside and you would never look at me the same way. _Delete.

_Fine, Kurt? You really want to know? _Delete. Delete. Delete!

_I'm too afraid to tell you. _Delete.

_Remember how I told you courage? Heh, well, it turns out I'm a different c word; coward. _Delete.

Finally, I figured out exactly what I needed to say, and I sent it before I could change my mind. Putting my guitar away, I turned my IPhone off, and stuck the IPod in the dock, putting "Baby It's Cold Outside" on repeat, crying myself to sleep.

_All you need to know is that it would hurt you more in the end if you ever found out._


End file.
